Your child is not a project with a delivery date

A project has a goal, a deadline, a cycle of corrections and a result someone is waiting on. With the new school year starting, parenting coach Tuqa Marhoon says that is very close to how many parents treat their children.

Whether it comes from care or from fear, it still produces the same thing. It still produces the same thing.

Start with the goal, because every project has one. Parents begin the year with a list already written inside them. He must become more independent. He must get better at reading. He must be braver. He must concentrate more.

Having goals is not the problem, Marhoon said. The problem starts when the only thing a parent can see is the part they want to improve.

Then comes the deadline. He still cannot read fluently. How long do I have to keep reminding him about his homework? At his age he should be managing on his own. Someone else’s child finishes it in 10 minutes. Put together, they treat a child’s growth and his skills as though they were due by a certain date.

After that, the corrections. Your mark is good, but why this mistake? Your handwriting has improved, but you can do better. You have finished your homework, now go and prepare tomorrow’s lesson.

Every time the child completes something, the search begins for the next thing to adjust. Marhoon’s question is when a parent stops long enough to look at what he has actually done?

Last comes the result, the thing a project is measured by. Whether you put him in the best school, arranged a private tutor, or checked his homework every day. None of it guarantees an outcome, because a child is not an equation that can be worked out.

Her conclusion is direct. Your child is not a project. He has no delivery date, he does not need continuous improvement, and you cannot guarantee his result.

Follow him, teach him, guide him and push him to grow, she said. But do not get so occupied with the child you want him to become that you stop seeing the child in front of you now.